Joe Joseph: Analysis
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Snooping on your child’s personal website in order to keep tabs on them? That’s like painting over a blistering wall as a way of treating a damp patch: it’s addressing the symptom, having for too long ignored the actual root cause of your concern.
If the only way to find out what your child is up to is by nosily reading their website, then you’ve already lost the reins of parenthood. If that’s the case, how likely is it that your relationship with your child will now be improved by confronting your son or daughter with information that you’ve gleaned about them behind their back?
Everyone deserves privacy. Even, occasionally, Paris Hilton. A personal website is just a modern electronic version of a diary. And it has long been regarded (rightly) as shameless to peek at someone’s private scribblings. It’s not as if a 14-year-old even has any truly sensational gossip to pass on.
If your child is up to something truly outrageous/ illegal/depraved, the chances are that you’d have sniffed some worrying warning signs without the need to spy on their website – that’s assuming that the child was deranged enough to reveal his or her outrageous/ illegal/depraved activities on such a public forum.
Given that it is a public forum, the likelihood is that the postings will be anodyne: in which case, what prize do you gain in return for betraying your child’s trust?
It is part of adolescence to distance yourself from your parents and to forge a life outside the immediate family. Of course everyone wants to protect their child from danger. But parents must beware of camouflaging nosiness as concern.
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Spot on!
Alyssa, Edinburgh, Scotland
This was a great article from someone who obviously understands teenagers and social networking.
Paul, New York, NY
My daughter was having serious difficulties that could have led her into a very dangerous situation. It was only by monitoring her online communication that we were able to 'save her from herself'. As a result, we changed our parenting style (into tough love) and she has now transformed. Her new ambition is to go to Oxford to read PPE. She is 13. The pressures that our children are subject to are immense and (according to personality) they will not necessarily approach parents with these issues. I thank God that I was able to monitor my daughter's email. It probably saved her future.
karen, Farnham, UK
Although Mr Joseph is right in saying that their own profiles may contain harmless info, networking sites and chat rooms allow teenagers access and to and contact with people and interests which would otherwise remain out of sight or reach. For example, all of the most commonly used sites have groups/chatrooms for and profiles of people involved in bdsm - unmonitored and totally devoid of age limits. Is it wrong for a parent to want to prevent their child from learning about such things? I'd say not. And I'm only 20.
Laurz, London,