Space
special: fifty years after Sputnik
We scored a broad selection of non-human intelligences on the basis of
Original Features (how much they vary from the basic humanoid template)
Special Powers (any superhuman abilities demonstrated) Messianic Qualities
(Many alien stories involve a messianic element, so we felt it was only
fair) and of course the general catch-all Coolness factor.
40: Ming The Merciless
Although doomed to be regularly trounced by Flash Gordon, Sir Menzies Campbell
is not a suspiciously Asiatic-looking alien warlord. That distinction falls
to Ming the Merciless, villain of King Features’ long running Flash Gordon
franchise which has spanned cinema serials, comics, and a superbly scored
feature film. His appearance has become markedly more reptilian and less
evidently racist in recent adaptations, but he remains the number one
extraterrestrial emperor.
Original Features 0 Special Powers 2 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
1
39:
The Visitors
The antagonists in the successful miniseries ‘V’ and its spinoffs were
mouse-eating reptiles who visited Earth cunningly disguised as humans in
order to lull mankind into a sense of misplaced camaraderie. Once the
deception was discovered an armed resistance to the newcomers was formed,
which was just as well as it transpired later in the series that the mice
were merely an appetiser and we were the main course. Proof, if proof were
needed, that people who look like lizards can’t be trusted.
Original Features 0 Special Powers 1 Messianic Qualities 1 Overall Coolness
1
38: The Dark Star Alien
Half Beach ball, half pair of flippers, the bouncing alien pet in Dark Star
doesn’t really do much at all. That it emerged from the same wellspring of
imagination that gave us the nightmarish star beast of Alien only compounds
the disappointment.
Original Features 4 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
0
37: Coneheads
Pointy-headed strangers from the planet Remulak (or possibly France) The
Coneheads were yet another breakout hit from the endlessly fertile ‘Saturday
Night Live’ TV show. Their appearance calls to mind the bound skulls of
ancient Peruvian mummies.The Coneheads movie features all of the
misunderstood human customs and curious speech forms one might expect from a
classic alien movie, plus Dan Akroyd apparently wearing a big pink
policeman’s helmet.
Original Features 2 Special Powers 1 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
3
36: Romulans
In the original Star Trek series the Romulans followed the Ming the Merciless
‘Fu Manchu from space’ model but in more recent iterations of the franchise
have sported a more ‘Tony Blackburn with a headache’ look. Star Trek’s
writers cleverly employed a version of Benoît de Maillet’s panspermia
hypothesis to explain why so many of the aliens on the show looked like
Hollywood actors with a lump of Blu-tack affixed to their foreheads.
Original Features 0 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
8
35: Chigs
Mysterious methane-breathing opponents of a United Earth in the somewhat
overlooked space combat drama ‘Space: Above and Beyond’ the ‘Chigs’ (their
real name is never mentioned) share with us a common genetic heritage and
predisposition to armed response when their territorial boundaries are
violated. With an armoury extending from faster-than light warships to
suicide bombers they are the ultimate faceless adversary for the series’
gung-ho Space Marines.
Original Features 1 Special Powers 1 Messianic Qualities 1 Overall Coolness
4
34: Cylons
Whereas in the recent, critically acclaimed, Battlestar Galactica television
series the Cylons are robots built by Man for hazardous mining operations
and so forth, the original Cylons were held to be robots built by an extinct
reptilian race also called The Cylons for hazardous mining operations and
what have you. These latter creatures are best remembered for their
oscillating red ‘eye’ and shiny, high maintenance, chrome skin.
Original Features 2 Special Powers 1 Messianic Qualities 1 Overall Coolness
3
33:
Smash Robots
Metal-skinned beings from Mars who found our potato preparation methods
endlessly risible, the Smash Robots are stars of the advertisement voted ‘TV
ad of the Century’ by advertising industry journal Campaign Magazine.
Original Features 6 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
2
32: Ewoks
Small furry animated teddy bears who either (depending on ones’ perspective)
ruined or enriched the final Star Wars film, Return of the Jedi, the Ewoks
are a primitive jungle race who against all the odds defeated the
technologically superior Imperial Stormtroopers. This feat has been
described by the films’ creator, George Lucas, as an analogy of the Vietnam
conflict although the impact of a small cuddly creature on the profit
margins of Lucasfilms’ lucrative toy franchises should not be
underestimated.
Original Features 6 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 1 Overall Coolness
1
31: Klingons
Like their cousins the Romulans, the Klingons are presented very differently
in the original Star Trek series from the appearance accorded to them in
later film and television appearances. All versions share a warlike ethos
and a rather fanciful take on facial topiary. In the sixth Star Trek film we
learn that the Klingons’ blood is magenta in colour, suggesting either a
different chemistry from our own iron-based blood or perhaps just the effect
of the numerous vile-looking foodstuffs prevalent in Klingon Cuisine
Original Features 2 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
7
30:
Tribbles
Small, furry, lovable and immeasurably fertile the tribbles’ story, limited to
only four episodes across the entire Star Trek franchise (two of which
chronicle essentially the same events), has a stature which looms as large
as any in that fictional universe.
Original Features 9 Special Powers 1 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
1
29:
Martians
There are probably more fictionalised Martians than denizens of any other
planet. The Martians in HG Wells’ War of the Worlds are probably the best
remembered though, with their vast three-legged war machines and
susceptibility to Summer sniffles.
Original Features 8 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
3
28:
ALF
Featured in the 1980s television series ALF, Gordon Shumway is a 250 year old
cat-eating sentient furry armadillo from the planet Melmac. Although the
show was a comedy the creators took it extremely seriously, taking great
care that the ALF puppet was never seen by members of the public except when
being operated by the four puppeteers who gave it the semblance of life.
Original Features 5 Special Powers 1 Messianic Qualities 2 Overall Coolness
3
27: Starman
The1984 film featured Jeff Bridges as a misunderstood peace-loving alien
hounded by the US Military while disguised as the deceased husband of a
young widow played by Karen Allen. Bridges is the only actor to have been
nominated for the best actor Oscar for playing an extraterrestrial.
Original Features 0 Special Powers 2 Messianic Qualities 6 Overall Coolness
4
26: Max Rebo
The roly-poly blue-skinned bandleader had a small but memorable role in Return
of the Jedi, performing with his trio for corpulent alien crime boss Jabba
the Hutt. His mastery of the Red Ball Jett keyboard, despite the handicap of
astoundingly pudgy digits, earns him a place in the pantheon on
extraterrestrial greats
Original Features 7 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
5
25: Zaphod Beeblebrox
Terrible dresser, a fearful showoff, and the coolest guy in the universe. So
he thinks, anyway. Zaphod Beeblebrox is ideally cast as the Galactic
President in the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy because he’s not only as
self-absorbed as any real politician, but has more heads.
Original Features 2 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 1 Overall Coolness
10
24: Mr.Spock
Although technically only half alien (His green-blooded father managed to
interbreed with a human woman despite the evident differences in body
chemistry) Mr.Spock is probably the most recognisable extraterrestrial face
in popular culture. Although long identified with Leonard Nimoy role of the
pixie-eared scientific genius is soon to be taken by Heroes nemesis Zach
Quinto in the forthcoming eleventh Star Trek movie.
Original Features 2 Special Powers 1 Messianic Qualities 1 Overall Coolness
10
23: The Borg
The Borg are a race of modified humanoids that have proven to be the most
popular villains of the Star Trek universe. Apocryphal writings connect them
to a space probe, Voyager 6, launched from Earth some time in the 1970s. The
Borg , more than any other fictional race, are probably the clearest example
of mankind’s future – with implanted technology and constant surveillance
making original thought impossible.
Original Features 2 Special Powers 3 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
10
22: The Clangers
Woollen whooping mole-like creatures wearing a curious armour of hexagonal
plates, the Clangers enjoyed a short but memorable two-series run on British
TV, also cameoing briefly in Dr.Who and a Noggin the Nog book.
Original Features 5 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
10
21: Thomas Jerome
Newton
David Bowie reportedly bought the rights to Heinlein’s supremely messianic
future-fiction story ‘Stranger in a Strange Land some time in the mid
Seventies but ended up making a film version of the 1963 Walter Tevis novel
‘The Man who fell to Earth’ instead. An alien who uniquely employed his
extraterrestrial heritage in commercial enterprises rather than manifesting
bizarre powers, Thomas Jerome Newton is the quintessential Tory Martian
Original Features 0 Special Powers 7 Messianic Qualities 6 Overall Coolness
5
20: Xenu
Xenu, is a pivotal, if rarely mentioned, figure in Scientology. An ancient
galactic warlord who brought his people to Earth in spacefaring airliners
before blowing them to atoms with nuclear-fuelled volcanoes and trapping
their souls with strange alien technology, he’s one of the greater villains
of the alien pantheon.
Original Features 0 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 7 Overall Coolness
7
19: The Covenant
The Covenant are the race, or confederation of races, than come close to
wiping out mankind in the colossally successful Halo video game series.
Bonded together by religious fanaticism they are composed of a number of
differing warrior castes rooted in the various racesthey have conquered.
Reminiscent of the mighty Persian horde faced by the Spartans in ‘300’ they
are nevertheless possibly too likeable to kill by the end of the third game.
Original Features 5 Special Powers 2 Messianic Qualities 2 Overall Coolness
7
18:
The Andromeda Strain
Of all the alien invasions posited in fiction, the Andromeda strain is
arguably the most likely. Indeed, it may have already happened. The
etymology of the word Influenza suggests an extraterrestrial origin to viral
outbreaks and rains of unattributable organic matter do occur from time to
time. In the light of that, periodic incursions by funny little fellows in
three-legged spaceships seem almost welcome
Original Features 9 Special Powers 5 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
3
17: Cybermen
Similar to their spiritual cousins The Borg, Cybermen are heavily modified
humanoids rather than robots. They originate on the earthlike planet
‘Mondas’ (in the original Dr.Who series) and on a parallel universe version
of Earth (in the Russell T.Davies series). Most worryingly, they employ
terrifying small robot worms called Cybermats in their periodic attempts to
enslave humanity.
Original Features 6 Special Powers 3 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
8
16: The Predator
Like many hunters the Predator is a rather elegant looking fellow, in the
short period between being invisible and taking his hat off to reveal a
rather unapealing and impractical-looking mandible arrangement, The Predator
is one of a fierce species who periodically visit the Earth to hunt humans.
One might inquire why they wouldn't find drag hunting just as enjoyable, and
more human, if one weren't so busy avoiding his wide variety of deadly
weapons.
Original Features 6 Special Powers 2 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
10
15: Venom
Whether encountered on another world as part of the Secret Wars story arc (as
in the Marvel comics continuity), or carried to Earth by an extraordinarily
coincidental meteorite (as shown in in the third Spider-man film) Venom is a
sentient black oily substance that becomes, temporarily, Spider-Man’s new
costume and then later his deadliest adversary.
Original Features 5 Special Powers 6 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
7
14: Dr.Who
The two-hearted time traveller needs little introduction to British audiences.
Since 1963 he has been the most successful science-fiction character on BBC,
although only the most alert viewers will be aware that he was once briefly
known as Doctor Foreman.
Original Features 1 Special Powers 3 Messianic Qualities 5 Overall Coolness
9
13: Klaatu
Ably portrayed by Michael Rennie, Klaatu is an alien diplomat from an
interplanetary League of Nations who is keen to see Humanity elevated to
that great brotherhood of civilisations. We shoot him, of course.
Original Features 0 Special Powers 0 Messianic Qualities 10
Overall Coolness 10
12: The Xenomorph
A gigantic, vaguely insectoid killing machine with acid for blood is the last
creature most people would choose to encounter on the way home from work.
That is what happened to the crew of the starship Nostromo, though, in
Ridley Scott’s highly influential 1979 film Alien. Revisited memorably by
Terminator director James Cameron in ‘Aliens’ and then with declining
success in two further sequels and kept alive in the current ‘Aliens versus
Predator’ movies as well as a slew of comics The Alien is the
extraterrestrial that absolutely will not die.
Original Features 6 Special Powers 6 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
8
11: Grey Aliens
Now the default depiction of an extraterrestrial visitor, the Grey Alien
sterotype seems to owe its genesis to an episode of the 1950s sci-fi show
‘The Outer Limits’ that was transmitted the week before a celebrated UFO
abduction’ case and is now thought to have informed the abductee’s
subconscious visualisation of his captors. Whatever the reality of the case,
variants of the big-eyed Grey archetype are to be found in Close Encounters,
The X-Files, Star Trek and Ant & Dec’s Alien autopsy.
Original Features 6 Special Powers 4 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
10
10: Arachnids of
Klendathu
An assortment of sentient beetles of varying sizes, the larger of whom can
fire some sort of extra-atmospheric weapon from their abdomen, the Arachnids
are the implacable enemies of mankind in ‘Starship Troopers’. DDT is
evidently not available in space.
Original Features 7 Special Powers 8 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall Coolness
6
9: E.T
The telescope-necked, barrel bodies little chap with the illuminated finger is
one of the best-loved non-humans in popular culture. Beloved by young
cinemagoers and telecommunications companies alike E.T is the alien most
people would like to meet.
Original Features 7 Special Powers 5 Messianic Qualities 8 Overall Coolness
6
8: Second Stage Lensmen
Three creatures of varying species appearing in the popular 1940s Lensman
series of science fiction novels by E.E ‘Doc’ Smith; they comprise a flying
dragon, a multi-tentacled oil drum creature, and a multidimensional organism
that defies all description. They aid Smith’s principal hero, the human
Lensman Kimball Kinnison, in a galaxy-spanning war that prefigures many of
today’s space operas. Whereas Smith couldn't anticipate the future
importance of computers, his sheer inventiveness in creature design bespeaks
a uniquely lively sci-fi imagination.
Original Features 10 Special Powers 4 Messianic Qualities 3 Coolness 8
7: Daleks
Malevolent pepperpots from the planet Skaro, the Daleks are the undeniably
greatest among Doctor Who’s foes and have one of the most inventive
morphologies among all pop culture aliens which was inspired (to a degree)
by the Georgia State Ballet.
Original Features 10 Special Powers 8 Messianic Qualities 2
Overall Coolness 7
6: Transformers
Whether the process of evolution on any planet could eventually result in a
being that could fold itself into the shape of a lorry is a question that we
may never be able to answer, but certainly the toy line, cartoon series, and
recent live action cinema outing have imprinted themselves on the
imaginations of two generations of impressionable young boys.
Original Features 8 Special Powers 8 Messianic Qualities 3 Overall Coolness
8
5: Superman
The boy from Krypton may look like a regular Kansas farmhand but his
resistance to harm, athletic prowess, and ability to shoot lasers out of his
eyes all bespeak an origin somewhat further afield. Plus, it has to be said,
the cape would raise a few eyebrows in Topeka, let alone Smallville.
Original Features 0 Special Powers 10 Messianic Qualities 9
Overall Coolness 9
4: The Blob
Whether you watch the classic Steve McQueen version of this film or the 1980s
remake with brooding bratpacker Kevin Dillon you’ll see an amorphous glob of
alien goo that absorbs everything in its path and never, at any point, looks
like a man in a suit. For a movie about an alien life-form, that’s almost
unique.
Original Features 10 Special Powers 8 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall
Coolness 10
3: The Thing
In the original film a humanoid carrot with an inexplicable desire to kill. In
the far superior John Carpenter remake a mimetic something that
stretched the effects technology of the time to its very limit. It could be
next to you right now.
Original Features 10 Special Powers 10 Messianic Qualities 0 Overall
Coolness 10
2: Cthulhu
Telling of an ancient transdimensional demon that lives in a reality just next
to our own, the mythos of Cthulu has developed a malevolent existence far
beyond its origins in the psychotropic fiction of HP Lovecraft and regularly
appears in fiction and cinema to this day. Hellboy director Guillermo del
Toro is rumoured to be working on an adaptation of Lovecraft’s ‘At the
mountains of Madness’.
Original Features 9 Special Powers 8 Messianic Qualities -10 Overall
Coolness 5
1:The Lord God
Perhaps not the most obvious contender for a list of aliens but certainly not
terrestrial in origin, possessed of some extraordinary abilities, and
pervading popular culture like no other personality the God of the
Christians, Jews, and Muslims is – irrespective of how you might feel about
his existence – the most powerful alien intelligence imaginable.
Original Features 10 Special Powers 10 Messianic Qualities 10 Overall
Coolness 10
