The organiser

Treo 650 organiser

Which should . . .
combine “easy-to-set-up, wireless e-mail with a compact GSM/GPRS/EDGE world phone and a Palm OS® organiser”.

Which actually . . .
proves itself wilfully stupid in the first crucial minutes — it can’t import contacts from an old SIM card. It’s all very well receiving e-mails and getting online and offering a world clock, but anybody who needs such functions does not have the time to tap in the numbers of their dentist, mother and life-coach. The second instance of stupidity occurs minutes later. Despite getting online with thrilling ease (The Times Online! On the bus!) there are no instructions for getting off-line. With nothing in the manual, nothing on-screen and the bill mounting, I took the back off and pulled out the battery.

On Orange network, £489 handset only, stockists nationwide (www.palm.com)

The music player

Creative Zen MicroPhoto

Which should . . .
enable “simple control via its Vertical Touch Pad. It also features a built-in FM radio and microphone for more entertainment on the move”.

Which actually . . .
lacks a manual, so on trying to download your iTunes library you discover that the Zen is a PC-only item, and so useless to Mac users. But one is not left entirely bereft of music —there are two songs pre-installed, Creative Neeon (sic) and Seasons, both by Vincent Cheung. For Mac users hoping to utilise the works of Queen it’s useless. For fans of Vincent Cheung, it’s the perfect gift.

Creative Zen MicroPhoto, £199.99 (www.uk.europe.creative.com 0800 3767954)

The television

Pioneer TV & HD recorder

Which should . . .
provide images that are “clearer, smoother, sharper and more realistic than ever”.

Which actually . . .
is the McDonald’s of the television world — by God, you get a lot for your money. With a 43in (10.75cm) plasma screen, whenever Ainsley Harriot laughs, you think you’re going to be eaten alive. However, the picture quality is inferior to that of a conventional TV and as this model won a 2004 European Plasma TV of the Year award, one can only presume all plasma screens have problems with strobing on moving figures and blurriness. It made us realise that we want a big telly, but not a plasma screen until HDTV comes along. Insanely, the instructions don’t tell you how to watch via a satellite receiver. I had to get Pioneer to e-mail me. The hard disk drive recorder, though, was a winner. There’s a handy one-touch copy button that allows you to bang stuff on to DVD in a flash, and a clear menu of recorded items.

Pioneer PDP-436XDE TV, £2,600 (www.pioneer.co.uk 01753 789500)

The sound system

Bose Lifestyle 48 sound system

Which should . . .
“change the way you think about films, music . . . even your CD collection. Store and organise up to 340 hours of music”.

Which actually . . .

seems like a very expensive system, and, um . . . it is. Assuming money is no object,though, your Lifestyle 48 has a huge subwoofer that makes you feel as if you’ve accidentally swallowed Peter Hook’s bass guitar. Extra speakers placed around the room can leave you thinking that you’re being benignly burgled by a 24-piece jazz band. There’s a huge hard disk which, once filled with songs, can arrange the contents in order of mood. It’s a DVD player, too, which means you can hook it up to a telly and believe that stormtroopers are wiping out the Jedi behind your sofa.

Bose Lifestyle 48, £4,000 (www.bose.co.uk 0800 1074999)

Video transmitter

Marmitek Gigavideo 70

Which should . . .
enable you to “watch a movie on any TV in your home without moving your VCR or running cables”.

Which actually . . .
worked! By plugging the Gigavideo receiver into the Pioneer media receiver and the Gigavideo transmitter into the hi-fi amp, my crackly old vinyl was beamed magically from one end of the room to the other. Plug in that yellow jack and it'll even beam telly pictures from one TV to another.

Marmitek Gigavideo 70, around £50 (www.marmitek.com)