'Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya. Twenty thousand. Ya, ya, ya. I know . . . Made a killing
. . . Barbados, ya . . . Nice, ya . . . need to top up the tan, ya . . . ya,
ya, ya . . .”
This is the drawback of being a commuter. Sevenoaks to London and back every
day and I always end up sitting next to the pinstriped idiot who can’t grasp
the fact that everyone else on the train might not be interested in his
share-dealing prowess.
I’m fine with “I’m on the train, see you in 20 minutes. Bye.”
I’m not fine with “I’m on the train. No, I’m fine to talk. Got a whole hour
before my station . . . Did you hear about Samantha? Really? Really? No!
You’re joking! Which breast?”
Of course, you can’t ask them to shut up because you’ll be happy slapped. If
only there was a button you could push to kill the conversation.
Well there is. It’s on a little black box called a phone jammer. Illegal in
this country, the United States and most of the European Union, the basic
version costs as little as £25 in Hong Kong. By sending out a blizzard of
radio waves, the cigarette packet-sized gadget will knock out a mobile phone
signal within a radius of five to 10 yards. A more expensive version can
take out a whole train. Very James Bond.
The fact that it’s illegal does not seem to be deterring an increasing number
of jammers. Recent reports from America suggest that demand is sharply on
the increase. Despite the threat of an $11,000 (£5,360) fine for anyone
caught using the device, exporters in Asia are receiving hundreds of orders
every week. It seems $11,000 is a small price to pay for a bit of peace and
quiet in a land where people start shooting each other when the traffic gets
bad.
Two weeks ago the Wireless Association – the trade body for the US mobile
phone industry – formally opposed a request by two companies to relax the
federal law banning jammers. Of course they would, wouldn’t they? But it’s
clear that new battle lines are being drawn. People are taking action
against the blabbers, prattlers and ranters – and not just in America.
I was introduced to the world of phone jamming in the same way that a young
Ivy Leaguer might be introduced to one of those masonic sects where everyone
wears hooded robes and you all take it in turns to flay some nubile
housemaid on an altar once a month.
I was at a cocktail party at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office when the
approach was made. I had had a particularly rough commute that afternoon.
The female hoodie next to me had been rapping and cussing and saying “That’s
whack, man” repeatedly down her mobile all the way from Orpington to Charing
Cross. Absolutely everything was “whack”, according to her.
I had arrived at the party all Prince Philip red, pronouncing furiously on the
state of society today. I didn’t care, I expostulated, how disadvantaged her
childhood had been, she didn’t have to take it out on the rest of us. Then
came the furtive whisper: “You need a jammer.”
With a nod and a wink, I followed the dapper man to the outer edges of the
party and he began to explain. He commutes from somewhere Midlandsish to
somewhere Birminghamish. When an annoying fellow commuter begins to prattle,
he simply flicks a switch and the prattling ceases.
“It’s like playing God,” he explains. “Sometimes, if it’s quick and
meaningful, I allow a conversation. A mother calling to say goodnight to her
kids. A man explaining why he’s going to be late for dinner. But mostly I
don’t.”
As he sips champagne, he confesses that it has become something of a sport.
His favourite game is to kill off and recreate a persistent offender’s
conversations for a whole journey. Like this: “Hi Ted, so I was playing golf
with Angus the other d–” Click.
“Sorry Ted, lost the bloody signal. As I was saying, I was pl–” Click.
“Blasted phone, Ted. That’s the Finnish for you. Anyway, as I–” Click.
“Christ, Ted. Must be a storm coming or something. Anyway, Angus was teeing
up and you’ll never–” Click. Man throws phone out of window.
Goggle-eyed, I asked for a demonstration. We spotted a mobiler in another
corner of the party. We sidled up. The switch was flicked. For a while the
mobiler continued to gesticulate and blab. Then he looked nonplussed at his
screen: no signal. Peace and quiet. Miraculous.
In my excitement, I broke the rules of the Jammer Club. I asked if I could
speak to other jammers he knew. On the record. For an article. In a
newspaper. This was clearly akin to our young Ivy Leaguer turning up at the
first flaying ceremony dressed as Bob the Builder. My introduction was
rescinded. My contact melted back into the party. My chance to infiltrate
the jammers was lost.
In the days following, I asked my less salubrious friends if they knew of
these wonder things known as phone jammers. Surprisingly, two did but
neither would reveal their sources.
“I’m quite happy with no one knowing about these things,” was the message
passed to me from one user. “That way, I can continue commuting in peace.”
From the buzz in the technology chat rooms of the world, it is clear that the
club is growing. Names of companies that import the jammers as “flashlights”
are passed from one irate blogger to the next. Happy owners include
hairdressers, bus drivers, public speakers and cafe managers. The Savoy
cinema in Dublin installed one in 2003 but after a local paper published an
article about it, the phone police turned up and insisted, on threat of a
fine and imprisonment, that it be removed.
“I think it is an injustice not only to the Savoy but to patrons of cinemas
all around the country,” said the cinema group’s communications manager at
the time, clearly sensing that this was not just about phones, it was also
about civil rights, our human rights, our freedom.
Ofcom, the UK’s communications regulator, is quick to point out that the
jammers are illegal for good reason: “They cause deliberate interference to
the radio spectrum which can cause a nuisance to other users and at worst
are dangerous – potentially jamming the frequencies used by the emergency
and safety-of-life services.”
I like the bit about causing a nuisance – an eye for an eye and all that. But
the risk to safety-of-life services? Oh, come on. I’m on a train. I’m going
to switch the thing on for only a few seconds to ruin Derek’s
blow-the-bonus-in-Barbados chat. It’s hardly going to bring the London
Ambulance Service to its knees.
And what about the health-giving properties of a phone jammer? Stress-free
travel to and from work could save the National Health Service millions in
reduced coronary distress. I, for one, would have lower blood pressure.
Anyway, how are they going to know? As white-collar crime goes, this is pretty
hard to detect – a surreptitious black box in a suit pocket on the 8.24 from
the sleepy commuter town of Chelsfield. Ofcom has prosecuted four people for
selling jammers but has never caught and prosecuted a single person for
using them.
I obviously wouldn’t join the jammers – I’m too law-abiding – but if any of
you are going to Hong Kong in the next couple of months, I need a new
flashlight.
And something that fries iPods would be nice, too.
Yes, Tony Chung, I am always on the quiet coach, and more often than not there are people using their mobiles on it. They think that if they speak quietly it's okay. What am I meant to do? Spend my whole journey searching the whole train for a guard? I have had several confrontations. Not nice.
Celia Bright, Bedford, UK
Haven't you guys heard of a quiet coach? (Or don't you complain like madmen when it is not enforced?)
Tony Chung, Lancaster,
The shouting is because they're too witless to turn up the volume in a noisy background situation, they hear a quiet voice and start shouting back - very British. I'd bet 99% of people have no idea how to turn up the volume on their phone.
Francis Fish, Birkenhead, Merseyside
I want one that also works on (non) personal stereo's too.
Alan, Aberdeen, Scotland
While I agree a jammer would be useful in situations where someone is annoying you, there are sometimes valid reasons for people to have a continous conversation in public spaces or on public transport.
My partner suffers from anxiety and sometimes when she's by herself on public transport, she needs to call someone and talk to hold a panic attack at bay until she can get off somewhere safe.
On at least one occasion, she was unable to get in contact with anyone and had a full blown panic attack and had to go to hospital suffering severe anxiety.
Just be mindful where you use these devices as for some people a mobile phone really is a lifeline.
Robert, London, UK
I am desperate to get my hands on one of these gadgets. I think the moblle 'phone system should be turned off until people can be taught to use these these things correctly & discreetly. Anyone wanting a mobile 'phone should have to have lessons and pass a test as you do for a vehicle. Anyone then breaking the rules should have their 'phone seized and be banned from obtaining a replacement for a minimum of one year.
Malcolm, London,
hmm what fun peace and quiet looms in the library at last,which means i can rejoin.
a bone, christchurch, england
The problem Sherry is not listening to one half of a conversation - but to half a conversation at twice or more the normal volume! People conversing naturally, typically modulate their voices to a level where they can understand each other without unduly annoying other people. A phone conversation usually takes place at much higher volume - leaving others in the vincinity no possibility of tuning out.
Brendan, London ,
Sherry,
The issue is not a desire to hear a whole conversation over half. Half a conversation is much harder to 'block out' than when hearing both sides. Much like hearing someone watch a film or music in another room, what is lacking is context which helps prime us for a particular response (like a loud laugh or gunfight, for example). The cadence of a conversation will flow, however uneducated they are, and will make it easier for one to ignore. 'Sudden' comments are therefore a suprise and draw your attention - as a result you cannot easily ignore the one-sided conversation, which of course, makes it more irritating.
Sebastian, London,
If they are that cheap why don't the train operating companies buy them for the carraiges they designate as "quiet zones"?
Lorne, London,
I need one desperately for my father before he jams one of those phones up the user's ear.
I've known him to go to a user and tell them to shut up or else!
It is clear to me that the obnoxious cell phone lout is not speaking to anyone, but clearly is proving to all that he actually has at least one friend in the world.
joel, dallas, tx
Very drole Mr Rudd but maybe you should take note of some of the intelligent comments made by the other respondents. The potetnial mis-use of such a device 'with people playing God' (picture the poor person with a pacemaker or other device) is frightening to say the least. Perhaps there will be a deluge of people buying these devices followed switfly by a crack down by the relevant authorities to levy the fines which seem to matter little to some of your respondents.
It seems to be in a similar vein to those mis-directed people who thinks its 'cool' to purchase a speed trap detector forgetting the fact that speed traps & radar control are designed to protect lives of the innocent who are put in constant danger by people who flout the laws of a country & drive at dangerously excessive speeds . . . . . . . . .
Martin, Brussels,
The problem with most phone calls on trains is the fact that people speak much louder than they would if holding a conversation with the person sitting next to them. That's what makes the whole thing so annoying. My phone has a whisper facility so I can speak quietly into it. I'm sure lots of other, more expensive, phones do as well - but there's something particularly arrogant about many phone users making long conversations. They appear to want to be heard. And yes, of course 'the train is late' is perfectly acceptable.
Some trains have a quiet coach but the phone users largely ignore the rules.
dave, london, UK
Jammers are very good at stopping the irritating ring tones and ensuing moronic ‘conversations’ that blight many journeys on public transport, true.
However, they’re (sadly) powerless against the increasing trend amongst the contemporaries of the female hoodie mentioned in the article; namely listening to (mainly) ‘urban’ “music†at high volume through the tinny speakers on the phone.
When faced (assaulted?) with this aural cacophony, the aforementioned moronic conversation comes as welcome relaxation! (And source of newspaper anecdotes!)
I got mine from e-bay, although I had to do a little searching. Including shipping it cost about £150, but is worth every penny!
Tim M, Reading, UK
Rather than promoting terrorism by interfering with the management of public broadcast space, why not encourage these technology anarchists to do the responsible thing and manage their public-personal space better. White noise headphones, for instance, have been on the market for several years now. By all accounts they work perfectly and no one needs to have a heart-attack or have critical air-time denied them, illegally.
T. MacLean, Halifax, NS, Canada
Perhaps if folk were interested in letting others know they were listening there would not be so much talking? Phone or no.
the duke of putney, dorset,
Interesting the people who support the right to talk about inane crap everywhere. The world did function before cell phones were invented....
phil, sacramento, ca
Sorry but thats rubbish. I get annoyed listening to two people rattling on inanely about their micro-cosmos as equally as I do about mobile callers next to me. People on Mobiles lose self awareness and should be put on an island somewhere surrounded by sharks... with no signal.
Now I'm planning a trip to Asia just to get me one of these...
I will even start using public transport.
Jack Straw, Belfast, UK
Has anyone thought that MANY people carry cell phones for health and safety reasons? Caregivers away from the house, loved ones calling with an emergency, kids needing help, people needing necessary information urgently - domestic violence agencies provide women who are stalked with cell phones. How does this blocker affect law enforcement trying to trace a signal if necessary? I'll take overhearing the obnoxious conversations over the arrogance that could result in the blocking out of a phone call that might be life saving.
Dulcinda , Lander, USA
It's about being thoughtful and respectful of your surroundings. When people are on the phone, they think that only their correspondent can hear them and they talk about things that otherwise would only be discussed in private.
My classic so far is the progress of an infected piercing in a very private part of the person's body. They seemed totally oblivious to the distaste on everyone within earshot's face.
Having to commute for up to an hour or more on trains and tube - the tube is bliss for not having coverage for phones...yet.
Sherry - it's not about being quiet as a grave, more about being considerate when in public.
Marios Patrinos, Reading, UK
This is an old idea. I can remember in the sixties when portable transistor radios came in and were driving people mad on beaches and in other supposedly tranquil places. The then editor of Wireless World published a circuit for home construction of a noise generator. It worked beautifully. Unfortunately if you stood well back you could pick out the silent areas. The jammer was the gent at the center of the circle with the smug expression! It was illegal then too.
Geoff Douglas, Truro, Cornwall
Very funny article Matt! I get on one stop before you (Hildenborough) and we're blessed with a few minutes phone silence before Sevenoaks thanks to the huge tunnel :)
Kevin, Hildenborough, Kent
If you cross the border from Hong Kong going into one of the the three telecoms shopping malls in downtown Shenzhen, for £20 you can get a jamming device capable of giving you peace of mind on those annoyingly long, often late, often over booked trains into London during rush hour. So I have heard :-)
Farrukh, Woking, UK
I hate people who jabber incessantly on their mobiles at irritatingly loud volumes as much as the next person, and at first jamming their phones sounds like an amazing idea. But fun as it might be, I wouldn't want to put at risk the one or two poor so-and-so's on the train who are actually having an important conversation, or are polite enough to keep their voices down. Plus, I think quite a few people would only consider jamming someone's phone call entertaining only until they themselves get jammed: then the jammer turns from saviour to SOB. So maybe people shouldn't be so quick to pronounce jamming as acceptable.
Matt, Edinburgh,
So, because someone we don't know had a bad day or wants peace and quiet on the ride home (isn't that what the 'quiet zones' on trains are for??), people are expected to not do what they'd normally do just for you?
This is ridiculous. If it were you on the phone and me sat opposite to you flicking a switch on and off with a juvenile and smug grin on my face, I'd bet you'd see where I was coming from.
It's easy to see why they are banned - because it's my RIGHT to make a call whenever the hell I want, not when you feel like allowing me the privilege!
You curse and rant about society today, but it's people like you who are the problem - stop interfering in other people's lives and get on with your own. If someone is too loud, move. It's not their problem, but yours.
Dan Nicholls, Egham, Surrey, UK
Ha! Fantastic idea.
With mobile conversations you only get half the story - which can be great for the imagination, BUT WHY DO THEY HAVE TO SHOUT?
If these people could talk normally it would be similar to my girlfriend and I chatting on a train - a one-sided conversation if ever there was one - and not upset anyone.
The main problem is that mobile phone users (and iPod users) want you to know they have this really cool gadget, so they turn the volume up. Can't they understand that everyone has one - and a better model than theirs at that!
Michael D, On a TRAIN,
I'm not sure Sherry is right. It is the fact that the conversation is NOT at the same volume as those between passengers that is the problem. For some reason, a phone call is usually at twice the volume. It may be that the noise of the train interferes with the hearing of the caller, who then assumes that the recipient of the call is having the same problem.
Mostyn, Penzance, Cornwall
Sherry from Iowa has a point, but - oddly - people on trains who strike up conversations with each other in the same carriage are usually much more sensitive to other people's desire for quiet. Typically they speak more quietly than people on mobiles.
I can't speak for the writer, Sherry, but I know I'm annoyed not by being unable to hear both ends of the conversation, but by having to hear any of it. Most of it is pretty boring.
I once had a carriage of passengers chuckling when I just joined in with one very long phone conversation. The speaker had simply forgotten we were all there and forced to listen until I joined in.
Mark, Budapest, Hungary
Perhaps vehicle manufacturers could fit them as stanard to come on when the vehicle is moving
Paul , calgary, canada
Funny yet 100% agree
Jerome, plaistow,
Well for one thing, the safety-of-life services they're talking about are things like pacemakers which could be nearby. Second, there are many people who have their cell phones in vibrate for emergency purposes and need the ability to take calls, even in restaurants and cinemas...and yes, on the train. However, most of these people feel the vibrate and leave to answer it. I think a better solution than jammers is to make it socially unacceptable to talk on a phone in public places. We put up with people being rude way too much in today's society and instead of just ignoring it, we need to start saying something.
Kristi, Vancouver, BC, Canada
I make a point of joining in the conversation in an obvious manner, leaning closer to the speaker pretending not wanting to miss a word. That gets their attention and then by looking grave if they sound grave or smiling or nodding with apparent approval. It may be coincidence but since doing this the conversation is often ended sooner than expected. After all it was only a few years ago when everyone tried to keep phone conversations secret by shielding the mouthpiece.
Clarence Weller, Sacramento, USA
i am going to be in panama next month, i wonder if they sell them there.
Anna, sacramento, California, USA
Referring to someone having a conversation on the phone on a train - if the person that person was conversing with were sitting next to them, instead of being on the phone, everything would have been fine? It seems your problem with phone talkers is that you can only hear one side of the conversation. It's not that you don't like the talking - it's that you feel left out of the whole conversation-stalking experience. If I'm wrong about this, it means that you think that everyone on a train should be as silent as the grave. But I don't think I'm wrong. You're only peeved because you can't eavesdrop on both ends of the convo.
Sherry, West Des Moines, Iowa, United States
Thanks, I'm off to google and look forward to picking up my new flashlight soon. Derek is over here in India as well.
Is this a candidate for 'invention of the year'
I'd vote for it.
pradeep, Chennai, India
Come, come. Which would you prefer? That the brain-dead motormouth next to you holds a hilarious conversation which will provide a rich vein of material for your forthcoming comic novel? Or that they strike up a conversation with you, grumbling about how they pay all that money and then can't even get decent reception?
Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK
I think all phones should be blocked on trains and buses. Be aware that crudely designed jammers may disrupt the functioning of medical devices such as pacemakers. The devices in common use operate at low enough power output (<1W) to avoid causing any problems.
mohsen, malaga, spain
I live in Hong Kong. I'm going to get myself one.
I was sitting on the train last evening and a woman was shouting at about 100 decibels into her mobile, 6 inches from my earhole.
I'm not aware they only cost GBP 25 though here.
Simon Osborne, Sheung Wan Hong Kong, ,
Cool!
Now, does it also work against those annoying Bluetooth ear pieces? I guess it must - they're run off the mobile, yes?
How delightful it's be to watch one of these malfunction just as the wearer was 'LOL' and realised there was no connection.
How many times must we be subjected to someone (solitary) prattling on in half a conversation - sans any visible communications device?
Granted, there ARE people who talk to themselves merely to solidify their thoughts but these people give rise to the thought they should be confined before doing harm to themselves or others.
As for safety concerns: Might squelching the conversations/texting of nearby motorists, in heavy traffic, would be more a blessing?
Larry, Middletown, USA/NY
I want the one the Israelis make.
Mike Donald, Aberdeen, Scotland
To Mark of Los Angeles: I take it they didn't teach you spelling or punctuation at your Ivy League school, then?
Nigel Smith, Munich,
In a train carriage of about a dozen,passengers between my home and B`ham within 10 mins of departing all five ladies passengers had used their mobile.
After sending this e-mail I shall start the internet search with hte sole object of buyimg.
Peter Bolt, Redditch, UK
Why ask? Google "cell-phone jammer".
peter, London,
Anyone whose taken a ride on Hong Kong's ubiquitous cream and green Mini-buses and been subjected to half the cabin quack-quacking on their 'phones in very loud Cantonese will know the reason why the jammer is made here.
Alas it can't jam throat clearing and spitting as though a colony of bees was nesting in their larynges or sing shouting Chinese to apparently very deaf companions, but no matter. Not understanding a word of what they're on about is indeed a blessing compared to actually comprehending the likes of Derick. A long way to come to escape the nauseating argot of mobile trivia but needs must.
Kingsley Larkin, Hong Kong,
I'm in the States and I'm desperate for one!
Allan, Houston, TX, USA
I went to an Ivy league school.
I have not joined a secret flaying society.
However with respect to whats called road rage we only shot people in traffic when they are also talking on their cell phone and distracted.
Mark, Los Angeles, USA
Quite handy for helping other drivers concentrate on the road, getting undistracted service in stores, elevator rides with lower blood pressure,the possibilities are endless. The revenge factor would be a bonus. Ooh the power. Now: where and how much? Is the fine for having it or using it?
Warren, near Calgary, Alberta
"It’s hardly going to bring the London Ambulance Service to its knees." Perhaps not, but maybe you would interfere with the train driver's communications. I've no idea whether it would have an effect, but beware of unintended consequences.
A bit of education would help here. Mobile phones automatically boost a quiet voice and attenuate a loud one. So it is perfectly possible to have a conversation on a train while holding your voice at or below the level you might use to talk to a neighbouring passenger. I use my phone sparingly and don't have a stupid ring (or indeed any ring - it vibrates) and if you were in the next row to me when I took a call you probably wouldn't be aware that I was on the phone, much less know what I was talking about.
Mark, London,
Cool. Can anybody get me one?
colin, london, england
Where can I buy one ?
Rich W, Bournemouth, England