University of Nottingham - English Studies 2nd year language paper - Question One: What are the names of your lecturers?

jane, Nottingham, UK

1st Year Molecular Biology multiple choice on the semi-convative replication of DNA

DNA replication is...
a conservative
b semi-conservative
c non-conservative
d liberal
e new labour

I almost laughed out loud in that exam with last two choices

Tom, Wycombe,

to the people that asked: the plane wheel that lands on a bear is a physics question. By knowing the altitude of the plane and the time it takes to land on a bear one can calculate the g value (earth's gravity) which varies and is slightly stronger on the poles.

Chris, athens, greece

The GCSE ICT exam had the same problem in 2007 with repeated answers, which confused many of the students if it was a fix or not.

Danielle I, Salisbury, England

Bureaucracy has finally taken hold! Take to the streets, opressed masses! You have nothing to lose but your brains!

Tom L, Reading, England

I wrote a test on Financial Markets at university. 50 questions for one hour, most of them involving pricing of futures, options and other complex instruments. Question no. 49 was "Are you a boy or a girl?" All answers were accepted.

Kate, Budapest, Hungary

The following is a classic tax/ accountants joke, which happened to appear in an exam that I sat.

Q. What is the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?

A. A custodial sentence.

I was thoroughly tempted to write the above down, but didn't have the guts to in the end.

John Sarratt, London, England

Ascertain as to what the poet had in mind when he wrote:

'Once I paid the sun to run,
and it ran and I sat down and cried,
for the son I put my money on,
went round and round inside.'

(Not one student knew what to make of that rubbish!

Carol, Newmarket, Canada

I once heard a classmate of mine tell me that in his philosophy class, at a local public university, one of the questions was the single word "Why?" Most of the students got the correct answer, he did not. The answer was "Because".
What a pitiful state we are all in.

M, Milwaukee,

To MR Stockport,

the bear is white, as the hunter is at the North Pole, the only place on earth where his journey will bring him back to his original spot .

Bruno, Paris,

Q Translate into Latin " I Caesar am by chance now present"

A Caesar adsum jam forte

Stuart Bailey, Camberley, UK

Oxbridge: "Discuss why red berries are palatable but ladybirds are not"

Oxbridge Essay question: "What is a question" - to which one entrant entered a single line answer "What is an answer?"

Ian Allder, St Albans, Herts

Too many half witted teachers and lecturers try to look clever by asking 'difficult' questions which in fact turn out to be ridiculously unfair questions, some almost unanswerable intelligently.

They would be much better testing the student's knowledge and even more importantly, understanding.

Brian Hill, Edinburgh,

Manchester University History Dept., 1968:

'Can anything be said for King John ?'

1969:

'Can anything be said for Charlemagne ?'

Robin Kempster, Brighouse, England

Maths CSE. Write in numbers two hundred and three thousand.
We all wrote 200 and 3000 bar one person who got it right

Nathalie, London,

The bear question has nothing to do with planes, this is the real one:

A hunter leaves his campsite and travels one mile due south. He then travels one mile due east, where he shoots a bear. He drags the bear back to his campsite by traveling one mile due north. What color is the bear?

M. R., Stockport,

A favourite from the French Bac exam in philosophy that frequently comes up...
'should the tolerant tolerate the intolerant?'
Apparently there is a right answer to this... and it's not the one you think.

Mat, Brighton,

My favourite has always been the question "Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?" set as a final questions question for a Physics class. See: http://www.pinetree.net/humor/thermodynamics.html
for the reasoning behind the only A awarded.

Nigel, Woking,

In one of my final exams at Cambridge University there was an error in one question. Fortunately it was easy to spot, and when I alerted the invigilator he obtained a correction from the question setter.

Peter Taylor, Valencia, Spain

10th Grade oral geometry quiz:

Teacher: "How do you find the Tan of an angle?"

Student: "You take it to the Florida."

Lesson: If you make her laugh, she won't flunk you.

Mark, London, UK

on my A-Level Statistics exam last year( board classified ).....
- this i a question of skewness.
1. " There is a given set of datas of orchestra player checkin in to a flight to Paris. Its numerous from 2 kg ro 90+kg.
a. Describe it's skewness.
b. What is the heaviest instuments brought?

Putra, Cambridge, UK

The correct version of the what colour bear is: a man walks 1 mile due south, 1 mile due east, 1 mile due north, and shoots a bear. He ends at the spot he started from. What colour is the bear? - H E Dudeney.

My favourite joke exam question is: 'Write down everything you know.'

Loved the pizza

sebastian, Manchester, UK

Music Teacher to class:
"Can someone explain to me what a tenor is please"

Fellow Pupil (deadly serious):
"two fivers?"

Needless to say, it had both myself and the rest of the class in hysterics. I am sure I even saw the un-flappable teacher herself crack a smile...

Sean, Glasgow,

I took that ICT paper and it was probably one of the most sensible ones. The highlight was a five mark question on the difference between landscape and portrait paper

Katie R, salisbury, UK

Cambridge English exam last week: A quote from a current science phd student: 'What's so great about Shakespeare anyway?' Discuss.

I didn't.

Isobel, Cambridge,

A friend of mine, for a GCSE maths paper, after being told about two populations of fish, and given some numerical data about the two populations was asked 'What conclusions can be drawn?' He answered that one was goldfish and the other trout. And failed.

Liz, Durham,

If the formula for the volume of a cylinder of radius 'r' and hight 'h' is Pi r squared times h, or Pirrh, the the volume of a pizza, radius 'z' and hight 'a' is: Pizza.
Q.E.D.

Martin Ill-Jones, Llannon, Wales, UK

There are no such things as stupid questions, only stupid answers. Discuss.

Emily, York, England

AS General Studies Paper 2001 - Paper had a total of 100 marks:
What does the E in E-mail stand for? (1 Mark)
What does WWW stand for in internet terms? (3 marks)

It's fair enough to say we all got quite high grades from this exam!

Matt, Plymouth,

Can one be "accident-proned"..?

Matt, Hamburg, Germany

Two nice questions from 1970s A or S level science exams:
"How many molecules of water from Socrates glass of Hemlock will be in your next cup of tea?"
"How many air molecules from Caesar's last breath are in your lungs at this instant?"
Candidates were asked to state any asumptions they made.

Pack Rat, Northampton,

They are not hard questions. For most of them there is no correct answers. They are just testing your ability to talk around a subject (which let's face it is a pretty important skill if you're looking to head into management / politics).

If you want hard questions look at some technical exams.

Chris H, Lboro, UK

From a French University entrance exam in the 19th century:
Is it reasonable to love ?

George, Perth, Australia

Is This a Question?

What is an Answer?

Michael Thomson, NEDLANDS, Australia

In a philosohpy exam at Cambridge a few years ago, there was this question. "When it's all gone wrong and you can't go on it's tragedy. Discuss."

Helen, Manchester,

risk assessment exam,

Q. What is risk?

A. This is risk.

ross, paisley,

it's not quite an exam question but what my school called a "punishment exercise", i had my moments at the time glad to say i have almost grown up, but i do remember a rather fantastic 10000 word essay from my then P.E teacher on the "sex life of a ping pong ball" the guy was a genius!

stephen, glasgow,

I was asked at a Cambridge interview to describe the college don's coffee mug to him as if I was speaking to him on the telephone. It was a pretty dull mug too.

Tom, London,

"Discuss the role of bridges in history'.

1981 History 'S' level.

Benedict Carter, Moscow, Russia

last question on the first test in a college course called Critical Thinking:

Construct a valid argument for why marijuana should or should not be legal

My answer: (premise 1) i like marijuana
(premise 2) thinks I like ought to be legal.
(conclusion) marijuana should be legal.

I got an A.

Eric, Arkansas, US

The correct answer to the question

You're flying in a plane and a wheel comes loose. The wheel drops on top of a bear. Please state the colour of the bear.

Is White, with Red and Black markings, Polar white, Blood red and Tyre like black

Gerry, Sydney, Australia

Physics oral exam. "What is the wavelength of the Sodium Yellow Line"? Student: "Um, a hundred and one?" Examiner: "A hundred and one *what*?" Student: "Point three?"

jon livesey, Sunnyvale, CA/USA

In final year undergrad History at Cambridge, Historical Argument & Practice paper. Great question when I took it: "What is the truth said the jesting post-modernist & would not stay for an answer". Another 3 hour, 1 question paper: Great fun & a good way to show what you've figured out in 3 years!

Benjamin, London,

"The Meaning of Life is 42. Discuss."

42 degrees is known as the critical angle. It is the angle at which light refracts, when a single beam of white light splits into the colour spectrum. It is why rainbows exist.

Now, if only everyone in HHGTTG had done GCSE phsyics..

Olivia, Buenos Aires, Argentina

To Charlie, London:
Our Dr Paul Tomassi of University of Aberdeen (may he rest in peace) had a better one!

Nothing is better than Eternal Happiness,
A Cheese sandwich is better that nothing,
Therefore, a Cheese sandwich is better than Eternal Happiness.

Elizabeth, Edinburgh,

As a first year mathematics undergraduate at Grey College, Durham in 2003, I was set a question on projectile motion that began "Naughty Outlaw Osama is hiding from Sheriff George..." [both were hiding behind tombstones and we had to calculate the angle at which Sheriff George had to shoot]

Simon Meadows, Durham,

I was one of the French degree students at Leeds who faced that wonderful question. That Prof had a neat sense of humour, he was also pragmatic: the lectures for that course were 9am Friday morning so very poorly attended...
(can't remember how I answered that exam but I did end up with a First!!)

Nicky, Townsville, Australia

A'Level Philosophy question (1990s):

Is this a question? Discuss.

The temptation to reply, "Yes, and this is the answer." was too strong.

Rosie, Chelmsford, UK

In the universally unpopular yet compulsory subject of "Technology", circa 1994, our woodwork teacher thundered in disgust a sample of our GCSE mock exam paper answers, of which the most memorable was "Name 3 types of manmade board. Answer: Skateboard, ironing board, surfboard."

Aurora, Paris,

I remember an Oxford philosophy paper in the mid-1950s:
"When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it." Discuss.

Bryan Reuben, London,

"Is life on the whole good? If not, does it follow that you should commit suicide?"

A fabulous final question for my final exam in my final year of philosophy & theology. No revelations leading to suicides in the exam hall though.

Jamie, Cardiff,

Worst question is often that stupid interview chesnut ...
"What are your weaknesses?"

tom, York, uk

in GCSE foundation calculator, maths the first question that i got was: on this clock what time does it show? it had both hands on the twelve and the box said pm!

arnold, braford, england

Haha, Keith, I suppose you could be correct!

Adam, Oxford,

Chris, Athens. White, but I think you've missed part of the question.

David Leslie, Perth, Scotland

Q. Name three animals you would find in the North Pole?”

A. A daddy polar bear, mummy polar bear and a baby polar bear.

Neil Diamonti, Bullcock, UK

'Pigs have arms and Shells have legs. Discuss. (Cambridge University)

Harriet, Bath, UK

Medical exam c1970
Q "What is the function of the pupil?"
A The pupil is a hole: it has no function.

Bill, Taunton, UK

To Elizabeth in Edinburgh, if you reached philosophy finals without reading HHGTTG then you deserve to struggle with that question. Douglas Adams should be on ALL philosophy reading lists.

Nick, London,

I need to know what colour Chris in Athen's dad's bear was! Is it red?

Rosie, Gloucester, Gloucestershire

Because, if memory serves correct, the question should be "You're flying in a plane over the North Pole and a wheel comes loose..."

Richard, Cornwall,

In the States about 18% of submitted articles to math journals
are published.

That gave rise to:

If you publish, you do not perish. If you do not publish, you astonish your students with unanswerable questions that you brag about.

[ I have had over 50 publications. ]

Joe Allison, Mesquite, Dallas County,, Texas, USA

This question appeared in my eleven plus some time in the distant past. It was more of a trick question than a weird one.

Q: What was the biggest island before Australia was discovered

A: Australia, even though it had not been discovered, it was still there.

Mathew , Perpignan, France

In the scholarship exam to Peterhouse, Cambridge, in 1957 I was asked: "What reasons, if any,.do you have for supposing that the moon is not made of green cheese?". An extremely good question, I thought..

Jon Tinker, Vancouver BC, Canada

Oxford University Entrance in the late 60's or early 70's;

Nothing is better than a good steak.
A loaf of bread is better than nothing.
Therefore, a loaf of bread is better than a good steak. Discuss.

Charlie, London,

I'm assuming that the answer to "You're flying in a plane and a wheel comes loose. The wheel drops on top of a bear. Please state the colour of the bear" is that it's white because it's a polar bear, but I can't figure out why.

Keith, Sussex, UK

The Oxford All Souls exam - " a three hour exam on a single word, such as Integrity."

Cambridge University Philosophy has a paper which is exactly like that - you have to write one essay on a single world e.g. pleasure, verificationism, etc in 3 hours. Students from all 3 years have to take it.

Ellie, Cambridge, United Kingdom

1st year Geography, Cartology module - won't name the university, but was a redbrick.

For 50% of the module marks: using the computer, colour in a map of the world.

Obtained a 2:2 as I filled in the Arctic in green. Apparently it should be white.

Mark, Woking, UK

I particularly liked Primary School question, 'Do you know who lives in 10 Downing Street?' 70% answered 'Yes' 30% answered 'No'. All were correct, of course.

eric campbell, harrogate, uk

Cambridge Univ. General Paper, 1978: 'Using n-order perturbation theory or otherwise, and regarding 'Theoretical Chemistry' as a perturbation of 'History' and 'great' as a perturbation of 'bunk', change the statement 'History is bunk' to 'Theoretical chemistry is great'. (Repeated from 1978 Rag Mag)

E Burgess, Slough,

A University of Aberdeen 3rd Year Philosophy Exam:

The Meaning of Life is 42. Discuss.

(Now, many of us had not read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and had no idea what it was all about...but in true philosophy fashion, we tried to answer it anyway!)

Elizabeth, Edinburgh,

I ve been told by my father that the following question has been asked in class by a lecturer in his university in the 70's. Its more of a trick question than a nonsensical one
You're flying in a plane and a wheel comes loose. The wheel drops on top of a bear. Please state the colour of the bear

Chris, athens, greece

John Maynard Keynes said 'In the long run, we're all dead. '
Comment....

1st year Economics exam. Trinity College Dublin

D. Martin, Munich, Germany

A friend of mine missed quite a few lectures and for his second year history exam swotted up on a few topics - convinced that would be enough.

In the exam he could not answer a single questions and so he wrote his own questions and own answers.

He failed, but is now a very successful estate age

Odtaa, Teddington, UK

In a senior University Physics exam -

Given: 1) F=ma
2) You can't push a string

Derive the following equations:
...

Bryan, darwin, australia

"People in glass houses..."

The intent of the IT question is surely to see whether you know the different between a record and a field? I submit that those Times journalists who think power is the same as energy or that there are three metres in a foot would fail this question.

Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK

To Sally in London, Yes the question is real, I've seen the paper. The answer? Yes if this is an answer...

Trevor, Sheffield, England

Surgical exam. c. 1948
Q. You are about to amputate a leg under refrigeration anaesthesia [already obsolete].
What do you tell your theatre sister?
A. Freeze the instruments.

Patterson, Oxford,

The best reported reply to the exam question "Is this a question?" is:

"Is this an answer?".

Tom, London,

Sally, London, Re "Is this a question?".

Correct, it was. The answer is, "If this is an answer."

Ken Hall, Barrow in Furness, UK

O' level needlework exam 1981
Q: 'Your husband is going away on a business trip, what do you pack for him?'
A: "I don't. He does it himself."
Result: Unclassified

liz, Brighton, UK

Don't know if it's true or not but a friend of mine at Lancaster University in the 70s told me that he'd faced a philosophy exam with the following question: "Is this a question?".

Sally, London,

My favourite, from the 1960s, was this:
"Would you rather look more stupid than you are or be more stupid than you look? Discuss."

Rosemary, Liverpool,

I live in Mexico City and attended a french high school, the courage question is like a myth that goes around on philosophy finals in my school. I wonder now where it really happened ... still I agree its the best answer to an exam.

Pablo, Mexico City, Mexico

An old story about a teacher who set this final exam question for his students:

"What is courage?"

Best answer? The student who wrote: "This is courage." - and then got up and walked out.

amy, Melbourne, Australia

On a final exam for a Buddhist theology class: "I am sitting at my desk. In front of me, I see a pad of paper and a pen. To my left is a desklamp, and to my right is a cup of coffee. I finish my coffee and upend the cup to trap a fly that has been bothering me. Explain the nature of the coffee cup."

Laura, Washington DC, USA

Why?

Best answers: 1. Why not? 2. Because. 3. Z.

George A. James, Port Hope, Canada